Allowing upset
Teachers fix things. We face a myriad of fixings daily. We unscramble misunderstandings, clarify errors, and soothe hurt feelings. We don’t always get it right, but we so often try. Our compassion and love for students seep into our responses to them. We want them to be happy, comfortable, and at ease. But sometimes we witness their dis- ease. They are angry, hurt, disappointed. They pout. All these reactions are normal parts of growing and living. But what do we do about them? How do we make it better? How can we fix the upset? We know we can be compassionate about students’ feelings. Yet sometimes it is the “letting go of fixing” that can challenge us. Can we be strong enough to allow others to be upset? Can we let anger, disappointment, or frustration run its course rather than try to alleviate it? Can we know whether it is time to intervene or let it be? When others are out of sorts, we sometimes need to allow them simply to experience it. Important growth develops for us all when we realize, “I’ll be okay. I’m just going to be angry [hurt, disappointed] for a while.” Allowing others to be upset is not the same as ignoring their troubles. Compassion and assistance are perennial foundations of being a teacher. We can be kind as we allow others to be upset. They can feel the bad feelings and live through them. They can learn that their hurt is temporary. They can learn that they will bounce back, and when they do, we’ll be right there to help them move along.
