Sheila Allan was just 17 years old when Japanese forces invaded Malaya in late 1941. British leaders surrendered at Singapore in 1942, subjecting hundreds of thousands of soldiers and civilians to Japanese internment for the duration of the war — including Allan. During that time, she became infatuated with the women's camp commandant, Dr Elinor Hopkins, whom she described as a ‘dream mother’. Her love and admiration blurred the lines between familial intimacy and sexual desire. Meanwhile, Allan was categorised as ‘Eurasian’ by both her Japanese captors and other European captives. She longed to be regarded as British and Australian, like her father. Nonetheless, white women condemned Eurasian women as sexually lax and immoral and questioned their right to be interned. As a result, Allan's desires for a white ‘dream mother’ reveal the fraught nature of racial, gender and sexual identities in wartime and under colonialism. These influenced not only her methods and strategies of coping during the war, but her hopes of finding love and intimacy when it was over. Her story reveals how fragile colonial categories and wartime violence fractured the destinies of colonial subjects, while love and devotion could be life-affirming.
