‘Blasphemy in scarequotes’ examines contemporary blasphemy cases where ‘blasphemy’ is a smokescreen for realpolitik. ‘Blasphemy’ prosecutions were often an attack on ‘secularism’, and all the sexually and politically dangerous views that often went with it. It is worth considering the story of Naboth’s vineyard in the Bible and the blasphemy charges against the politician Basuki Tjahaja Purnama, journalism student Mashal Khan, artist and poet Ashraf Fayadh, the band Pussy Riot, Aasiya Noreen, as well as Jesus and Socrates. Important in this discussion are both the Charlie Hebdo murders and the establishment of new norms of freedom of religion and freedom from religion as a result of secularist activism.