A Series of Staggering Heartbreaks

Typically, the narrative surrounding intimate partner violence (IPV) involves men as perpetrators not victims. This is in part due to both low reporting from men and heteronormative expectations of masculinity. Furthermore, gay male victims are even less frequently discussed. In this autoethnographic article, I reflect on the power structure within violent same-sex relationships and the resulting loss of agency, self-worth, and personal identity victims experience. Because the conversation regarding IPV is often focused on the perpetrator rather than the victim, I intentionally leave the perpetrators anonymous and these experiences vague to instead focus attention on the trauma experienced by gay men. It is my hope this approach will render more intelligible the negotiations of agency, silence, and the performance of queer masculinity that victims experience. This article is neither about the act nor the perpetrator; rather it is about the response by and to the victim.