Beyond the Self

Chapter 6 focuses on self-esteem and its connections to something larger than the self. The first part summarizes new research on self-esteem and relationships, an area not often found in other books. Particular attention is given to the ways in which authentic self-esteem helps foster healthy relationships and how low or defensive self-esteem may hurt them. This material helps readers understand how the self-protective function of self-esteem can harm relationships and how its self-expansion or enhancement function may help them reach new or deeper levels. The last section focuses on self-esteem in a larger context but one that still involves being connected to others. This work is based on findings from the psychology of religion but does so without being preachy, denominational, or dogmatic as spirituality is used as a generic term to which anyone can relate.

How to Increase Authentic Self-Esteem

Chapter 4 is the heart of the book. It takes the material presented in the first three chapters concerning self-esteem as a relationship between competence and worthiness, healthy self-control, the four sources of self-esteem, and self-esteem moments to a practical level. The chapter shows how individuals can increase self-esteem by developing competence and improving a sense of worthiness no matter what type of self-esteem problem they may currently suffer. How to identify self-esteem traps that lessen competence or worthiness and then break free of them are discussed. The material also includes step-by-step activities, and exercises for increasing self-esteem that are based on solid empirical work in cognitive and learning psychology. These activities include material from positive psychology concerning how positive emotions, especially courage, and positive upward cycles of behavior, can facilitate change.

The Importance of Self-Esteem

The second chapter focuses on the two major functions of self-esteem, especially as they occur in relation to positive psychology, self-control or regulation, and positive emotions. One important function is self-protection, which concerns maintaining a sense of self and identity. In this sense, self-esteem is seen as buffering us from stress in everyday life, helping us deal with disappointment, and bouncing back from failure. The other major self-esteem function concerns enhancement or the expansion of the self and its abilities. In this case, it is shown how healthy self-esteem plays a pivotal role in helping us move beyond our comfort zone, take risks to reach past current limits, see new possibilities, and explore different personal, career, and interpersonal dimensions of life. This material also includes examining the three major theories of self-esteem and the nature of positive emotions.

Self-Esteem and Individual Well-Being

Chapter 5 focuses on understanding the connection between self-esteem and positive psychology. It begins by looking at self-esteem in relation to two theories of mental health and then moves on to explore research concerning two forms of happiness, namely, hedonic and eudaimonic well-being. The chapter also highlights the relationship between self-esteem and basic human values that positive psychologists have associated with the good life in an Aristotelian sense. This material includes appreciating the importance of identifying one’s own intrinsic values concerning such things as wisdom, compassion, balance, beauty, courage, and more. Special attention is given to the idea that making these types of values a greater part of one’s life may increase a sense of purpose and meaning or well-being. Practical suggestions and activities round out this chapter to make its concepts more useful.

Developing Authentic Self-Esteem

Chapter 3 addresses the development of healthy or authentic self-esteem. This section examines self-esteem in relation to six important domains of life. They include the importance of being connected to others, the place of morality or virtue in relation to self-esteem, physical attractiveness, the ability to solve problems competently, physical integrity, and the value of personal autonomy or control. The chapter also identifies four major sources of self-esteem needed to be healthy, namely, acceptance, virtue, achievements, and power, two of which are related to feeling or being worthy as a person and two of which involve competently facing life’s challenges. The chapter also examines various self-esteem problems and reveals the importance of self-esteem moments or situations that challenge people in terms of their competence and worthiness. Both positive and negative self-esteem moments are discussed.

What Is Authentic Self-Esteem and Why Does It Matter?

Chapter 1 deals with the crucial issue of defining self-esteem to set solid foundations for the rest of the book. The chapter describes all three major ways that social scientists, mental health professionals, and people in general define self-esteem. Then this section shows how defining self-esteem in terms of a relationship between competence and worthiness is best for two reasons. First, this approach reflects John Milton’s original use of the term, which bases self-esteem on doing that which is just and right rather than simply on feeling good about oneself. Second, this definition gives people a sense of where to go when facing life’s challenges and how to make healthier decisions. The chapter includes a description of the basic types of self-esteem, namely, low, defensive, and authentic self-esteem, and various self-esteem related problems.