Utilizing an interdisciplinary amalgam of critical ethnic studies, media studies, cultural studies and post-colonial theory, this chapter considers how the 2005 reboot of Doctor Who utilizes deracialized and decontextualized slavery allegories to absolve white guilt over the Transatlantic Slave Trade, express and contain xenophobic anxieties about post-colonial British multiculture, reinforce black racial stereotypes, and bolster white privilege by demanding viewers adopt the series colour-blind liberal humanist standpoint. In The Racial Contract, Charles Mills asserts that ‘white misunderstanding, misrepresentation, evasion, and self-deception on matters related to race are among the most pervasive mental phenomena of the past few hundred years, a cognitive and moral economy psychically required for conquest, colonization, and enslavement.’ By closely examining the imperial fictions and post-racial slavery parables of Doctor Who, the chapter hopes to illuminate the program’s ‘structural opacities,’ how its colour-blind universalism sustains and nourishes the boundaries of contemporary whiteness and colonial consciousness, and the fraught place of race in multicultural and ostensibly postcolonial Britain.