In the UK, when one is suspected of having breast cancer there is usually a rapid transition from being diagnosed, to being told you require treatment, to this being effected. Hence, there is a sense of an abrupt transition from ‘normal’ embodiment through somatechnic engagement; from normality, to failure and otherness. The return journey to ‘embodied normality’, if indeed there can be one, is the focus of this paper; specifically the durée and trajectory of such normalisation. I offer a personal narrative from encountering these ‘normalising interventions’, supported by the narratives of other ‘breast cancer survivors’. Indeed, I havechosento become acquainted with my altered/novel embodiment, rather than the symmetrisation of prosthetication, to ‘wear my scars’,and thus subvert the trajectory of mastectomy. I broach and brook various encounters with failure by having, being and doing a body otherwise; exploring, mastering and re-capacitating my embodiment, finding the virtuosity of failure and subversion. To challenge the durée of ‘normalisation’ I have engaged in somatic movement practices which allow actual capacities of embodiment to be realised; thorough kinaesthetic praxis and expression. This paper asks is it soma, psyche or techné that has failed me, or have I failed them? What mimetic chimera ‘should’ I become? What choices do we have in the face of failure? What subversions can be allowed? How subtle must one be? What referent shall I choose? What might one assimilate? Will mimesis get me in the end? What capacities can one find? How shall I belong? Where / wear is my fidelity? The hope here is to address the intra-personal phenomenological character and the inter-corporeal socio-ethico-political aspects that this body of failure engenders, as one amongst many.
Boundary-induced abrupt transition in the symmetric exclusion process