Kill or be killed: living in fear
This article explores fear and aggression in relation to trauma. These themes are explored using the case study of a man who needs conflict, particularly around race and gender, in order to bypass feelings of fear. Faced with actually experiencing trauma, he finds himself running and keeps on running in order to not commit murder, first in reality and then later in his mind. Exploring the mechanisms involved when, after a difficult early life, he escapes from home as a young teenager and then finds himself unable to settle or maintain relationships. Instead, we see how moving from continent to continent, finding himself in violent conflict again and again, he is unable to resolve the conflict within himself. Using Freud's concepts of repetition compulsion, denial, and disavowal to think about this patient, I examine what is driving this internal destructiveness and the need to keep fear consistently at arm's length.