Guided Mastery:The scaffolding you need to grow stronger

When Al Bandura died in July, he was 95 years old and among the most eminent psychologists in history. In the year before his death, Al and I began a lively correspondence—by phone calls, email, and once via U.S. mail. So much of what Al spent his career studying—and his own life exemplifying—is what all young people need in order to fulfill their dreams and their potential: personal agency.

Fear Factor: Overcoming the awkwardness of asking for help

The quietest part of my day used to be my office hours, when students could meet with me without an appointment. Why? Because no one would show up for them. I clearly advertised the time I would be available, door open, ready to answer any questions. I extolled the benefits of asking for help. And I told my students what a valuable resource their professors were, that we wanted to help them be successful in their classes. But I still sat there alone. None of it worked. Students already know it would benefit them to get help. But asking for help feels awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing.

Judge Not: Don’t let disagreements lead to disdain

“I’m all for helping refugees, but some cultures just don’t fit with the American way of life.” So said my airplane seatmate a few years ago. He and I were in a heated discussion—should the United States admit more refugees from war-ravaged Syria? As someone who has done research on how forcibly displaced populations cope with the impact of political violence, I had strong views on the topic. Of course, a degree in psychology does not make me a specialist in the complexities of refugee policy in my adopted country. I couldn’t rattle off statistics or deeply informed analyses of resettlement issues. Yet my first instinct when hearing my seatmate’s claim was to challenge him. And, in the back of my mind, to judge him.

Unbroken: Acceleration is more effective than remediation

“I’m really worried about you. You’ve fallen behind. You’re nowhere close to where you need to be at this point.” How would you feel if, on the first day of school, you were on the receiving end of this assessment?

Step Outside

What's one thing you hope the young people in your life do this summer? I recently asked a version of this question to the grandfather of one of my students. Without hesitation, he leaned forward and said with conviction, “I'd say, get off those screens!” I couldn't agree more. Come September, what will young people look back on the summer and remember? Will their highlight reel be an endless stretch of mornings, afternoons, and evenings in their bedroom, faces down, staring into their phones? For too many students, this has been a necessary reality for more than a year.

Choosing Wisely

I was about 10 years old when my parents decided to move our family across town. Why? I had no idea. I don't think my older brother and sister had a clue, either. The decision was announced one night at dinner and, without discussion or debate, the three of us learned that we'd be packing up our house, changing schools, and settling into a new neighborhood within the month. As a little girl, I had very little visibility into the choices my parents made for themselves and for the family. Though my dad was happy to talk to me about chemistry and my mom would have sacrificed anything for my benefit, the process by which they arrived at life's big decisions was a mystery. Instead of sharing their thinking, Mom and Dad would sit alone at the kitchen table, whispering to each other in Mandarin. Whether it was just easier to think in their native tongue, I don't know, but it also seemed strategic. Children were not active decision makers in our family. As I got older, things changed. I listened to my parents debate whether to buy a new car, how they were going to vote that November, and which relative should host Thanksgiving.

Take Notice

I was once at a horse show, and a man asked if I'd watch his horse while he went to get it a hot dog. I scoffed. I have a PhD. My whole life, I had been a straight-A student. I even memorized what was underneath the pictures in textbooks to ensure getting my A's. If there was one thing I knew, it was that horses are herbivores. A hot dog? Pshaw. He returned, presented the hot dog on his palm, and to my surprise, the horse ate it. It was at that moment that I realized everything I knew could be wrong. From where did my mindlessness derive? I think it all went back to middle school. Memorization and the teaching of absolutes (horses don't eat meat) can lead to mindlessness.

Success Story

I majored in Spanish in college, and after graduation, I wasn't sure what to do with my degree. One gray winter day toward the end of my senior year, I found myself in Chicago applying for an interpreter position at a law firm. The fast-talking attorney who interviewed me gave me an impromptu test: I had to translate a colleague's words from Spanish to English on the spot, as if she were testifying in court. Flustered, I struggled to keep up. After only a minute or so, the attorney waved her colleague out of the room, then turned to me and said, “I have to be honest. That translation was not sufficient.” Ouch. It still hurts to tell that story! And when I remember that day, I don't feel motivated to do the hard work of learning a second language. I feel like running in the other direction.

The Romeo and Juliet Effect

If you really want to get something done, you've got three options: Do it yourself, pay top dollar—or forbid your teenager to do it. You probably recognize the truth of that adage from your own teenage years. Imposing authority can be counterproductive because teenagers tend to resist such attempts at control. Nothing illustrates the boomerang quality of parental pressure on adolescent behavior quite as clearly as a phenomenon known as the “Romeo and Juliet effect.” The term refers to Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet, the ill-fated teen characters who defied, with tragic consequences, all parental attempts to keep them apart. But does this happen in real life? In research done with 140 Colorado teenage couples, parental interference made the pairs feel greater love and desire for marriage. As the interference intensified, so did the love experience. When the interference weakened, romantic feelings cooled.

Oops!

How many times have you heard that failure is a “teachable moment”? That you learn more from failure than success? In a 2017 commencement speech, U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts actually wished the graduating class “bad luck,” so they'd have something to learn from. Yet my colleague Ayelet Fishbach and I find that failure has the opposite effect: It thwarts learning. In a recent study, we presented over 300 telemarketers with a quiz. The telemarketers answered 10 questions on customer service, each with two possible responses (i.e., “How many dollars do U.S. companies spend on customer service each year?” The answer choices: 60 billion or 90 billion). The telemarketers received success feedback on questions they guessed right (“You are correct!”) and failure feedback on the ones they guessed wrong (“You are incorrect!”). However, since each question had just two options, they could have learned the right answer from success or failure.