The lands in between Russia and the European Union are caught between their historic vulnerability to Russian military, economic, and cultural influence and their aspirations of prosperity through European integration. As powerful external partners vie for influence in the lands in between, their intensifying conflict has had serious political implications. Every election in the lands in between seems to present voters with a “civilizational choice” between the European Union or the Soviet Union 2.0. Parties and voters tend to line up on one side or the other. Paradoxically, however, the main beneficiaries of this deep polarization have been politicians who refuse to choose sides. Instead, many of the top power brokers in the lands in between, including presidents, prime ministers, and leading oligarchs, have found ways to profit from the patronage of both sides, elevating their own personal fortunes in the process.