A SHORT MEDICAL HISTORY—1984 VERSION

All but one of the words and phrases included in the medical history below were either heard at medical meetings or seen in recent medical journals. I leave it to the reader to judge whether my 1984 version enriches or debases our language. My only contribution was the neologism homized. Ms. A. Z., age 24, S.S. #987-65-4321, a randomized, computerized investigatee of a federally-funded on-going study of the parameters of behavior modification on biofeedback mechanisms in pregnancy, was ante-nated at an H.M.O. managed entirely by lay community workers. She had evolutionized from a homebody to a somebody in 1975 at age 18. Automated multiphasic health maintenance checkup detected the presence of paroxysmal hypertension for which she was hospitalized in the twentieth week of pregnancy. She was radiographed, I.V.P.'d, and a right suprarenal mass was outlined. The patient was then cardiac catheterized, catecholaminized, laparotomized, and partially adrenalectomized on the right. Recovery was maximized and optimized by an automated programmed computer print-out protocol of therapy. Twenty weeks later, patient delivered a healthy 3000 gr. newborn person; in-depth health-oriented physical evaluation on both mother and infant was performed by specially trained nonprofessional testing personnel. Two days later, patient and newborn person were homized after being P.S.R.O.'d and H.M.O.'d to a nontraditional Health Depot for follow-up.