Being a beneficent observer
Beneficent observers reframe others’ behaviors to become more open to a range of possible meanings. Instead of assuming rudeness, we consider that the other person has a harried schedule. Instead of assuming coldness, we consider that the other person is painfully shy. Instead of assuming insult, we consider that the other person has no idea this is a sensitive topic for us. Instead of assuming disrespect, we consider that the other person knows little about our classroom expertise and achievements. We choose to think “What else could it be?” rather than assuming a deliberate affront. When we are beneficent in the ways we see others, we change how we feel about and speak to them and the ways we speak to others about them: 1. We contribute to our own sense of calm and stability, our own good health. 2. We feel less like an adversary and more like a strong, compassionate, generous- of- spirit member of the school community. 3. We let them be them without taking on the negative views we have of them or that they have of us. 4. We essentially demagnetize ourselves. We are no longer pulled into others’ drama. We leave their anger, jealousy, and rude behaviors with them. 5. We realize that our own thresholds for tolerance and preferred behaviors may be causing our suffering more than any intentional action by the “offending” person. 6. We are willing to give the other a moment of grace and the benefit of the doubt to see behavior as simply that: behavior 7. We devote ourselves to helping rather than hindering goodwill. 8. We ask ourselves: “What could I say, do, and think that models compassion?” 9. We sometimes offer a silent benediction to those who rankle us: “May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering.” These habits of mind happen neither quickly nor easily, but they are worth the effort, inch by inch, step by step, healthy habit by healthy habit.