Don’t Know How I Feel About That

Chapter 5 investigates the importance of emotion and how it can be harnessed for good. We are not purely rational thinkers when it comes to politics, particularly as partisanship has become a more significant aspect of core concepts and identities. Chapter 5 focuses on how we often feel about politics and their emotional reactions to conversations. Common negative emotions— fear, anxiety, anger, and disgust—can be difficult to navigate but chapter 5 provides suggestions on how to approach emotionally charged situations to diffuse or to neutralize the negative emotions that can surround political discussions. The chapter also identifies positive emotions like hope and enthusiasm and strategies like moral elevation that can help to break through emotional barriers and to reframe discussions in ways that are more productive and respectful.

With All Due Respect

Chapter 1 details the psychology and science behind disagreement and attitude entrenchment. It opens with a broad discussion of why divergent views are important for democratic ideals and governance. It underscores the contemporary degree of American public intolerance of difference, one that lacks the motivation (and perhaps the skills) to talk about politics with those with whom it disagrees. Public opinion scholarship shows that on average, public preferences, even on some of the most contentious and hot-button issues, generally do not change quickly over time. There has been uncharacteristic change on attitudes toward LGBT people and rights in a short period of time, however; based on communication strategies and tactics focusing on shared identities, these changes give hope to what seems like immovable political groupthink. The chapter closes with the roadmap of the book so we can all use to start to talk politics with each other like grown-ups again.

Change is Hard but Not Impossible

Chapter 7 summarizes the main points of the book and reiterates concrete, actionable steps to encourage rational and clear thinking when it comes to political discussion. It also reflects on the successes of the LGBT community and allies in terms of opinion change, focusing on three important components: visibility and closeness, message and tone, and diversity. While it may seem that we are in constant and vigorous disagreement, there are many things we share in common, including a desire to stop the contentiousness and vitriol in American politics. The concluding chapter includes a summary of the entire book, highlighting how to use tools like data and information, emotion, interpersonal trust, and shared identities to promote meaningful and productive discussion about sometimes difficult political issues.

People Like Us Have Got to Stick Together

Chapter 6 focuses on the power of shared identity and values. Social psychology shows that we like to feel like we belong in social groups because it boosts self-confidence and helps to make sense of the world. Each person has more than one identity and maintaining social group membership is a powerful driver of political behavior. Highlighting groups and identities that we share is a vital strategy to relate to others and to encourage them to listen to political conversations they may otherwise ignore or avoid. Advocacy campaigns and persuasive communication about LGBT rights have been focused on shared, strongly held identities and values to shift opinions. This chapter discusses the benefits of focusing on commonalities rather than differences or things that are unknown, including shared identities as members of the same community or state, ethnoracial group, or political party, and of appealing to common values like fairness, equality, and patriotism.

The Mechanics of Persuasion and the Impact of Information

Chapter 4 shifts to strategies and tactics of what we should do during political discussions, starting with how to best prepare before the conversation even begins. In this era of “fake news,” the use of data and statistics in interpersonal conversations can be complicated. We are naturally inclined to seek and to trust information that reinforces current beliefs and actively discount information that challenges beliefs. Given that proclivity, how we use information in political discussions has become more important than ever. This chapter considers ways to empower ourselves with reliable information from credible sources and how to bolster arguments in a way that does not alienate an audience. Anticipating counterarguments and the kinds of suspicion we may face from others can help identify the right information and sources to counteract the skepticism that many feel for the media and other information sources.

How to Alienate Others

Chapter 3 is a discussion about what not to do in conversations about politics, focusing on three common pitfalls. The first is approaching discussions as a competition. The goal of a conversation is not to “win” nor to wage a battle against another person; the goal is to come to a clearer understanding of what the other person thinks and, in the process, to come to a clearer understanding of one’s own thinking. Second, another common hiccup in meaningful dialogue is using the wrong tone, often resulting in shame or defensiveness. One of the surest ways to shut down a conversation before it starts is to make someone feel ashamed or defensive. Finally, the chapter identifies approaches to finding the most appropriate places and times to engage with other people in a meaningful way.

The Virtue of Uncomfortable Conversations

Chapter 2 discusses persuasion and attitude change as well as barriers to attitude change. It introduces some core concepts and addresses key questions: whether people hold attitudes at all and if they do, under what conditions they are likely to change. Research on persuasion often suggests that the first step down the road to successful attitude change is the motivation to process information—in other words, the willingness to listen. A person must create realistic goals for an interpersonal conversation before it starts; decide whether the person with whom they are speaking is reasonably able to have a meaningful conversation; and listen as much (if not more) than they speak, at least at first. Theories of information bias suggest that biases such as selective exposure, partisan bias, and motivated reasoning are barriers to the free exchange of ideas and need to be considered when engaging with those who disagree.