Summary and Syntheses

This chapter revisits the challenging economic and romantic conditions in which today’s emerging adults find themselves, conditions that help explain why emerging adults are taking longer to commit to long-term relationships than their parents did. The main milestones in transitioning from an I identity to a we identity are reviewed, with an emphasis on the constructs of commitment and sacrifice and their centrality to one’s readiness for a long-term relationship. The concept of risk is discussed as an explanation as to why many emerging adults seem content to foster ambiguity in their relationships even as they say they value honesty and clarity. Structures such as asymmetrically committed relationships, cohabitation, marriage and divorce are examined through the lens of risk and risk avoidance. Their commonality and individuality are emphasized, providing a rich understanding of emerging adults and how they live and love.

Identity

The dynamic processes of individual and couple identity formation are discussed against a theoretical background. Absence of strict codes of behavior creates an environment in which emerging adults feel freer to explore and experiment with identity options, both as individuals and as couples. Marcia’s four “identity statuses” are presented in a contemporary context, and the concept of group identification is discussed. The challenges of transitioning from an individual identity to a couple identity—from an I to a we—are analyzed. The 29 research participants discuss their personal experiences in forming a we identity and the difficulties in developing and maintaining an I while living in a we relationship. The chapter concludes with a case study of a young American woman of Middle-Eastern ethnicity who must contend with strong cultural and parental influences while trying to forge an individual and a couple identity.

Premarital Romantic Commitment

Relational skills gained through forming committed romantic partnerships in emerging adulthood provide the foundation for sustained intimacy in later adult relationships. Commitment emerges as a crucial relational factor in the quality and longevity of romantic relationships. Twenty-nine emerging adults spoke about the meaning, expectations, and formation of commitment in romantic relationships. Results revealed that emerging adults maintain traditional values concerning monogamy, trust/respect, and planning for the future. Although the majority of the participants could readily identify what they were looking for in a romantic commitment, they hesitated to communicate their desire with their partners. Clinical implications are discussed.

Love and Living LGBTQ

This chapter examines some of the challenges faced by LGBTQ-identified emerging adults as they chart a romantic course in the early 21st century. Diversity and fluidity are themes specific to today’s emerging adults, with a greater acceptance of a range of sexual/gender identities in evidence. The complexity of sexual/gender identity is discussed, with an emphasis on the importance of each individual’s intersectionalities with other identities (race, religion, ethnicity, etc.). Terms are defined, with the understanding that LGBTQ definitions are evolving and not always universally accepted. The nature and effect of stigma, both overt and subtle, is examined. Queer theory is introduced as a way of looking beyond heteronormative bias in the day to day lives of emerging adults. The issues of coming out and living as a trans individual are given attention. Two detailed case studies of LGBTQ-identified individuals are presented.

Pathways Toward Adulthood

This chapter examines how emerging adults form identities in the domains of work and romance. Today’s emerging adults are motivated to self-actualize in both domains, but the path to that end is long and tortuous and now occupies most of their 20s. Emerging adults are now marrying, if at all, in their late 20s or early 30s. Friends and parents are providing the needed support that spouses once provided during the 20s decade. Studies reveal that men and women take slightly divergent pathways to adulthood, but that they ultimately share a similar vision in which both partners can have fulfilling careers while coming together for a committed long-term relationship. The delay of commitment allows for romantic experimentation and learning by trial and error, an opportunity that many emerging adults, particularly those who are well resourced, seem to be taking advantage of.

Casual Sexual Relationships and Experiences

Casual sexual relationship and experiences (CSREs) are defined by sexual encounters that take place outside of formal romantic relationships. These relationships are associated with sexual identity exploration and in keeping with the fluid and flexible pathways emerging adults are taking during this transitional period. Consistent with the ambiguity emblematic of these relationships, terminology used to describe these relationships are also ambiguous and can vary by degree of commitment, investment, and emotional closeness. Sexual double standards are evident; emerging adult women are more likely to be judged negatively for participating in CSREs. Transitions from casual relationships to more exclusive relationships and their influence on future romantic relationships are not well understood. A case study of one of the 29 participants is presented and recommendations for future research are discussed.

Techno-Romance and Emerging Adulthood

This chapter examines the ways in which technology influences the romantic behavior of emerging adults. From meeting new romantic partners to managing existing relationships to breaking up and recovering from breakups, computer-mediated communication (CMC) is entwined with romance. The ways in which CMC can objectify users and overwhelm them with too many choices are examined here. The chapter also examines dating apps as well as technologically influenced behaviors and challenges, such as “technoference” and sexting. The 29 study participants share their thoughts and experiences related to CMC and social networking sites, and how the inevitable presence of technology has affected their romantic lives.

Divorce and Its Aftermath

Historically, women are vulnerable to devaluation through a multitude of deviance labels, including divorce. Their reflections highlight their experiences of marriage and its aftermath. Prior to marriage, themes of feeling unmoored, in transition, and without an anchor shaped the narratives of the nine emerging and young adult women. Lack of self-reflection and evaluation predisposed them to make decisions based on partial and “convenient” truths. Unfolding processes led the majority of these women to revisit their pre-marital selves, engage with the emotional work that was deferred, and build foundations that were growth enhancing. An analysis specific to stigma revealed that stigma continues to inform the behavior of divorced emerging and young adult women in complex, nuanced, and contradictory ways. While a significant number of the nine participants assessed that divorce-related stigma is no longer relevant, their actions, including intentional nondisclosure and beliefs related to failure and embarrassment, suggest otherwise.

The Breakup

This chapter explores how emerging adults make meaning of breakups and adapt to romantic loss. Causal attributions are considered and both positive and negative outcomes of breakups are explored. Theories and studies related to loss are examined, including Bowlby’s attachment model and narrative theory. An examination of churning relationships, as well as of common sexual behaviors related to breakups, such as sex with an ex, rebound sex, and revenge sex, help inform our understanding of when and how relationships come to an end. The 29 emerging-adult study participants relay their experiences and points of view with respect to romantic breakups.

Sacrifice

Sacrifice has been linked to many positive results for both individuals and couples. The relationship between commitment and sacrifice is explored. The findings of Kogan et al. with regard to sacrifice and how it relates to both communal and exchange relationships are presented. Adopting a communal attitude requires shifting from an I orientation to a we orientation. Emerging adults’ understanding of, and approach to, sacrifice often changes over the course of their 20s. This change is reflected in the experiences of many of the 29 emerging adults who were interviewed. For these emerging adults in challenging economic/cultural conditions, who are under financial and social stress and have not seen the benefits of sacrifice in their lives, the idea of giving up something concrete and hard-won for the abstract possibility of gaining a vague reward has limited appeal and practicality.