Future directions

This chapter explores ways in which practitioners might use the framework to support children experiencing parental separation and issues relating to post separation changes. Set within the context of what young adults had to say about whom they might like to have talked to about their parents’ separation and the information that would have been useful to them at the time, consideration is given to who might be best placed to support children in educational settings, schools and universities, and how they might best be supported. Attention is also given to how the framework might be used in work with parents to encourage a deeper understanding of how their actions, responses and decisions about arrangements can promote a higher level of accommodation of parental separation for their children. It concludes by highlighting the need for professional dialogue with practitioners to explore ways in which the framework could be used in their practice.

Introduction

In this chapter the reason for researching young adults’ childhood experiences of parental separation is explained and the nature of the study described. The process of working with young people to design the research and create specific research tools is outlined, this involved an online questionnaire and the creation of a short video clip based on a fictionalised case study scenario which became known as the Prompt Simulation Video (PSV). The layout of the book and content of each chapter are described.

Communication

This chapter focuses on the quality of communication parents had with their children during the separation and when making post-separation arrangements. The quality of parents’ communication with their children was assessed by examining accounts to establish when children learned about their parents’ separation, who told them and whether when post separation changes happened, their views were taken into account. Accounts were scrutinised for any evidence of contact with their non resident parent having taken place post separation. The chapter focuses on three specific areas: children learning about the separation in advance, having their views taken into account in post separation changes and not having their views taken into account. These factors enabled the impact the quality of parental communication had on respondents’ levels of accommodation of post separation changes to be assessed. Experiences varied widely, with some children given explanations about what was happening and feeling included in decisions about post separation arrangements and others receiving little or no explanation, and having to make sense of the situation themselves.

Support

This chapter outlines the support available to children at the time of their parents’ separation and post separation changes. It explains how some children had access to support from their parent(s) and other members of their family, particularly grandmothers. In some cases children were supported by a wide range of extended family members including aunts, uncles and cousins. In contrast some children identified no one who supported them at this time. Children’s access to support within the family is examined in relation to its impact on their accommodation of parental separation. Their opportunity to talk to someone about their parents’ separation is also examined. Respondents identified fewer people they were able to talk to than sources of support but many were able to talk to parent(s) particularly their resident parent. Siblings were often identified as someone children could talk to rather than sources of support. Friends were particularly important to those in late childhood and teenage years. Some children spoke to professionals about their parents’ separation, the level of accommodation they showed varied according to who they spoke to and the opportunity to exercise agency in these discussion appeared to be a significant factor.

The research study

This chapter explains the nature of the study which focused on children’s everyday lived experience of parental separation. It describes how young people were involved in designing the research, constructing the research tools and analysis of some of the data. Adopting a participatory approach, I worked with young people to determine the research design and create specific research tools to investigate young adults’ experience. As the researcher I worked as a ‘bricoleur’ with young people to co-create a short video clip of a fictionalised case study of children’s experience of parental separation, known as a Prompt Simulation Video (PSV) and an online questionnaire. The stages and processes involved in creating this bricolage are explained in the chapter. The chapter goes on to explain the process of data analysis which involved categorising responses to the question which asked respondents how they felt about their parents’ separation now according to the level of satisfaction and level of acceptance shown. Where these coincided a respondent’s level of accommodation of parental separation could be established, this became the central category for further analysis. It concludes with reflections on the strengths, weaknesses and limitations of the methodology.

Reactions

This chapter describes children’s reactions to their parents’ separation and the changes it brought to their lives. It takes account of other family member’s responses, particularly those of parents and siblings since these often impacted on their experience. Children’s reactions are reported according to their age at the time of separation, enabling the reader to build on knowledge of their emotional responses gained in chapter 5, to develop a greater understanding of individual children’s responses. Accounts highlighted the impact of contact with their non-resident parent, facing multiple changes in post separation arrangements, feelings of divided loyalty towards their parents and siblings and the sense of relief when separation brought an end to domestic violence The level of accommodation of parental separation shown, emphasised the importance of children being able to maintain contact with their non-resident parent post separation and the benefit of post separation changes being minimising or at least the pace of such changes being managed.

Setting the context for the framework: emotions

This chapter provides the context for understanding children’s experiences by describing their initial emotional responses on finding out their parents were separating. Children’s age at the time of separation influenced their awareness and ability to understand what was happening in their family, to make sense of events, therefore responses are reported according to their age at the time their parents’ separation. The following groupings are used: early years (0-4 years), middle childhood (5-8 years), late childhood (9-12 years), teenage years (13-16 years) and late teenage years (17-20 years). Children described a range of emotions including feeling sad, shocked, upset, confused sometimes angry and frustrated. Emotional responses were often tinged with anxiety about what would happen next particularly among those in late childhood or when facing transitions in their own lives such as studying for GCSEs or starting university.

Constructing a new framework for understanding children’s accommodation of parental separation

This chapter shows how responses to the question which asked respondents how they felt about their childhood experience as they looked back now were categorised according to the level of satisfaction (Continuum 1) and level of acceptance (Continuum 2) they expressed. Where these coincided, a respondent’s level of accommodation of parental separation could be determined according to whether they showed a high, medium or low level of accommodation. Where they did not their account was seen to ‘lack continuity’. These levels became the central category for analysis of respondents’ accounts enabling aspects and clusters of experience influencing their level of accommodation to be identified. A range of factors and common experiences were identified allowing a new framework for understanding children’s accommodation of parental separation and post separation changes to be constructed. The framework is explained in the chapter and readers are guided in how it can be interpreted to aid understanding of children’s experience.

Conflict

This chapter describes childhood experiences of parental conflict and examines how this impacted on their accommodation of parental separation. Using respondents’ accounts, it describes the negative impact of parental conflict on children’s social and emotional well being. In some cases, where domestic violence was present this included ‘feeling frightened’. When conflict ended following parental separation, the feeling of relief was universal and children showed a high level of accommodation. Their experiences were in marked contrast to those who continued to experience their parents’ conflict who described the distress it caused them and showed a low level of accommodation. The positive role of family support in enabling children to adjust was highlighted in some accounts.

What is known about children’s experience of parental separation and divorce?

The chapter starts by describing the types of families in the United Kingdom (UK) and goes on to explain some of the legislation governing marriage, civil partnerships and divorce. Using data available from each of the Home Nations - England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland - it assesses the extent of divorce across the UK and the number of children affected, where possible. The type of information collected by each government varies, meaning the picture is incomplete. The second part of the chapter explains the reasons for focusing on children’s ‘voice’ and identifies previous research studies giving ‘voice’ to their experience of parental separation and divorce. The main themes emerging from the review are used to report their findings in the third part of the chapter under the following headings: parental communication; children’s involvement in decision-making; continuity in relationships and arrangements; support; parental conflict; family transitions and looking back on their experience.