Party and Play

Substance use, often in combination with sex, referred to as “party and play (PNP),” defines lives of gay men across generations and across all stages of life. Alcohol and drug use among gay men is precipitated by psychosocial burdens such as loneliness and diminished self-worth, the mental health difficulties experienced within the population, and the physical challenges associated with sex itself. The reliance on drug use is catalyzed by the homophobia of American society, but is also normalized within the community itself. The use of alcohol and other drugs also is intimately linked to the expectations of masculinity within the gay population, the drive for physical and sexual perfection, and the racism and discrimination experienced by gay men both within and outside the gay community. Ultimately, drugs serve as facilitators for the fantastical sex sought by many gay men and thus use of noninjection drugs that are hypersexualizing, such as methamphetamine and inhalant nitrates, has been implicated in the ongoing presence of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) in the gay population.

Telling

Gay men experience the process of coming out to various groups of individuals, in myriad contexts, and throughout the course of their lives. For many gay men, telling one’s parents and families represents the most significant act of disclosure. Methods used for coming out to parents, circumstances by which the men came out, and reactions of their families in both the short and long term are explored. A variety of different approaches are evidenced in the life stories. The impact of these critical life events is considered in relation to the well-being and health of each of the men. Coming out to parents and family is challenging in every generation, but the circumstances related to coming out are influenced and shaped by both the sociopolitical contexts of the time and the crisis of each generation.

(Hyper) Masculinity

The identity development of gay men, their coming out, and their well-being is influenced by hypermasculinity, which permeates American society. Such conceptions of masculinity foster aggressiveness of men toward women and sexual minority men in the form of homophobia and homonegativity. Many gay men also adopt hypermasculine conceptions defining their manliness by social behavior, sexual prowess, and muscularity, a condition fueled by the heterosexism of American society. Gay men who espouse hegemonic masculinity often do so as a means of passing and covering—they stereotype sexual roles and diminish those within the population who do not adhere to these rigid gender norms. While this is evident across generations, the Queer Generation has been most vociferous in challenging the rigidity of hypermasculinity and expressing greater ease and comfort in adapting traditionally feminine attributes, representations, and behaviors. As a result a more inclusive and advanced conception of what it means to be a man is evidenced in younger gay men.

Being

The development of gay identity is explored across the three generations of gay men. Commonalities of the psychological process and behaviors in relation to identity realization and disclosure are examined through the life narratives and in relation to the extant literature. These life narratives are contextualized through Eli Coleman’s paradigm of gay identity development across all the stages ranging from initial periods of pre–coming out, when many gay men begin to experience their sexuality, to the point in which sexuality becomes integrated into one’s whole identity. The challenges of each stage are explored across the cohort of men as illuminated through the life stories, and in relation to social and political circumstances that shaped the historical epochs in which the were developing their gay identities.

Identities

Gay men hold multiple identities, which define who they are and which shape their experiences of coming out. The chapter introduces the fifteen men of varying ages, races, ethnicities, and places of birth, whose life narratives provide the means for exploring the coming out process within and across generations and of the social, emotional, and behavioral conditions that have defined the lives of gay men. Five gay men who emerged into adolescence in the late 1950s, 1960s, and early 1970s constitute the Stonewall Generation; those who came of age in the late 1970s through the early 1990s are defined as members of the AIDS Generation; and those emerging into adulthood after the turn of the century belong to the Queer Generation. Each of the fifteen men is introduced in relation to his earliest memories of what would prove to be his gay identity and in the social-political context of the time.

Introduction

The Stonewall Riots of 1969 set the foundation for the civil rights movement of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) population in the United States. Despite policies and laws, which have been enacted since that historical turning point, gay men continue to experience challenges in their lives as they emerge into their sexual identities. This chapter provides an overview and the thesis of the volume, which posits that development and negotiation of gay identity is a challenge with which many gay men grapple during their lifetimes despite the advances in LGBTQ rights over the last several decades. The thesis is explored in relation to the life narratives of three generations of gay men—the Stonewall Generation, the AIDS Generation, and the Queer Generation. These narratives are indicative of the many life challenges gay men face, the impact of these challenges on health and well-being of many gay men, but also of pride, dignity, and resilience that is evidenced in the population.

Conclusion

The lives of gay men in the United States across time and generations are shaped by numerous burdens predicated on the challenge of coming out, a condition that permeates their lifetimes. After first realizing that they are gay, most spend much of their lives seeking the full integration of their gay identity with other aspects of their lives. These conditions create psychosocial burdens in the lives of gay men, which often engender risk and diminish health. Despite these life circumstances, which are rooted in the homophobia of American society, many gay men embody enormous grit and resilience, and their lives are indicative of both pride and dignity. While these psychological processes associated with coming out are somewhat consistent across the Stonewall, AIDS, and Queer generations, the advance in the civil rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people have resulted in lives somewhat less burdened.

Intersectionality and Racism

The gay male population in the United States is not monolithic. Besides generational differences, there is a great and rich diversity along the lines of race, ethnicity, culture, and class. To understand the lives of gay men we must consider the multiple intersectional identities that gay men hold that define and shape their lives, their health, and their coming out. Gay men of color, including black and Latino gay men as well as first-generation men, often experience even greater challenges in terms of gay identity development than white men, created in part by lower levels of acceptance and understanding within ethnic and racial minority communities including immigrant populations. Gay men of color also experience racism within society at large and also from other gay men who stereotype and objectify men of color. As is the case with conceptions of masculinity, members of the Queer Generation espouse clearer understandings and appreciation of the intersection of gay identity with matters of race, ethnicity, class, and culture.

Otherness

Otherness is an experience that greatly affects the lives of all gay men. Feelings of otherness are fueled by the heteronormative structures ranging from families to society at large, and through the macro- and microaggressions that gay men experience in numerous contexts. Otherness experienced by many gay men throughout the course of their lives exacerbates loneliness and social isolation, which has been endemic in the gay population throughout the generations. The power of otherness also acts as a deterrent for some gay men in disclosing their identities. While advances in society and depiction of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) individuals in media may have impact in “normalizing gay identity, the experience of otherness continues to be incredibly powerful, first taking roots for gay men when they are young boys, creating emotional distress in childhood that perpetuates into adult lives even after coming out. Some young gay men turn to intergenerational love as means establishing feelings of normalcy as gay men and combatting otherness.

Generational Crises

There are many commonalities in the coming out experiences of gay men both within and across the generations despite greater tolerance and acceptance of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people in the United States that has developed in the late twentieth and early twenty-first century. While there is this bond that ties the men across the Stonewall, AIDS, and Queer generations, there are generational differences in coming out shaped by a crisis that defined and defines much of the lives of the men within each of these cohorts. The crises of identity, the crisis of AIDS, and the crisis of failure are explored as the defining element of each generation, respectively, with recognition that these crises are cumulative across time. Despite their connections as gay men and commonality in life experiences shaped by gay identity discourse, there are also intergenerational challenges and conflicts that emerge between the age groups.