Last in Line
Leaders of a support group often debrief after each meeting. So, when we started the group for widowed fathers, we made a point of scheduling time for this practice, even though it would make long days even longer. We used these conversations to reflect on any new themes that emerged during the session, the interpersonal dynamics between the men, and any changes we needed to make to the group. What neither of us anticipated was how moved we would be by these men and what they were building together. Month after month, as the two of us talked following each meeting, we marveled at the fathers’ willingness to share their fears and vulnerabilities. Their authentic exchanges with each other belied the stereotype that men are reluctant to talk openly about their feelings. Each time a father articulated a concern or newly discovered insight, the others responded with honesty and compassion. They were becoming part of something larger than themselves. We found this project as interesting and meaningful as any professional work either of us had ever done. It was also uncharted territory. Because no one had ever led a support group for widowed fathers whose wives died from cancer, there were no books, articles, or lectures to guide us as group leaders or to shed light on the unique challenges these men were facing. Like the fathers, we were participants in this experiment and were committed to giving it our best shot. The group sessions generated plenty of painful, awkward moments during which we had little or no comfort to share. They also sparked moments of profound insight, inspiration, and humor. Our post-meeting discussions gave us a chance to compare notes and appreciate the progress of each man and the group as a whole. Returning home after each session, we would tell our wives how great the group was that evening. Once a month we each felt especially grateful that we could share these successes with our spouses. During our debriefing session on the night “Ring Watch” ended, we sensed that the group was at an inflection point.