Absence and Ambivalence

This chapter addresses birth fathers—but often in the context of their absence. Many adoptive parents did not appear to view birth fathers as symbolically or relationally as “important” as birth mothers. For some, this tendency persisted throughout their children’s lives. Others, though, became increasingly curious about their children’s birth fathers. Still others did enact relationships with birth fathers over time, and in some cases these were important relationships to parents and children. This chapter discusses these different patterns, with attention to how and why birth fathers are often “invisible” in adoption narratives. It also explores how adoptive parents talk about birth fathers and how this varies depending on whether parents adopted privately and domestically versus through foster care, and how it varies over time.