April 5, 2005—Living in Mortal Time
The central theme of this dialogue is exploration of extended mortal time. Early in her breast cancer treatment, one of Nell’s physicians had estimated a much shorter lifespan; she expected the prediction to come true. She is prepared to die and is frustrated when she learns it is not time. Nell is finding comfort in the rituals of Catholic Church in which she was raised, even though she describes herself as “a fitfully practicing Catholic” with Buddhist leanings. She appreciates the opportunity for the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick while at the same time questioning the many problems of the institutional church, including patriarchy. She contends with the practical problems of managing her deteriorating body as well as contemplating “pure love as the reward on the other side” when she dies. Nell is making peace with her time on earth. She is not lying passively but actively engaging her life as it comes to an end. A profound insight is finding herself feeling at home in the world for the first time in her entire life.