Relating to the Self: Changing Inner Dialogue
This paper presents a conception of the self's relationship with the self as a foundation for building inner security and competence. Interpersonal learning in the family becomes the model for the gradually unfolding relationship which the self comes to have with the self. What is first experienced interpersonally or observed outside the self is taken inside, or internalized, through identification; visual imagery mediates this transfer. Inherent parts of the self which are experienced as being disowned by significant others become disowned by the self. The inner strife caused by divisions within the self, which are often manifested through inner dialogue, can be healed by embracing those disowned parts. Changing inner dialogue is accomplished by consciously identifying characteristic devaluing dialogues and actively replacing them with self-affirming ones derived from the therapeutic relationship. Building a self-affirming relationship translates into behaving towards the self as worthy and adequate beyond question.