Attaching to the outcome

We do our best to prepare all students to pass a test. We are diligent about demonstrating everything necessary to receive a good evaluation. We are consistently cheerful and friendly to a difficult colleague. We accommodate the wishes of a doting parent to calm worries about her child’s behaviors. We spend many extra hours rehearsing, practicing, and readying our students for a performance. We behave kindly and compassion­ately toward a staff member with the hope of smoothing a recent conflict. Good intentions do not guarantee good results. We need to have good intentions anyway. So many problems in our lives and relationships can be solved, or at least alleviated, if we intend to do good, no matter what the outcome. One reason that good intentions are so important is that we are setting a path for ourselves: we are purposefully and thought­fully aiming to make something better by our words and actions. But, of course, we have no (or little) control over the outcome. No guarantees. We may be disappointed that the outcome is not what we wanted, but that is always a risk. And let’s not allow the outcome to diminish the constructive nature of our intent. When we attach to the outcome, we rely too heavily on expecting a desired result. • If I am kind to her, she’ll be kind to me. • If I work hard to achieve this, I will be rewarded. • If I try hard enough, I’ll see the results I want. • If I remove myself from the group, others will coax me back. • If I sulk, others will know they have hurt me. • If I share some gossip with a co- worker, we’ll become closer friends. • If I bring treats and gifts, others will see how clever and generous I am. Imagine how our disposition would change if we crafted good intent with no attachment to the outcome. • We would lessen our desire for acknowledgment of our efforts. • We would lessen our disappointment when someone did not meet our expectations. • We would lessen our dependency on others’ confirmation of our good work.