Cultivating Confidence

Where does the conviction that I can do this if I try come from? In 1977, the psychologist Albert Bandura asserted that the most important determinant of self-efficacy is what he calls mastery experiences. After a lifetime of study, he hasn't changed his mind. The main idea is simple: if you attempt hard things, again and again, and eventually succeed, you come to believe in your capabilities. In contrast, if you fail repeatedly, you come to believe that you can't succeed, even if you try. The logic of mastery leading to confidence is undeniable. But it's easy to forget. When my daughter Amanda was in seventh grade, she opted into an accelerated math class. That fall, our little house shook with her weeping and wailing as she struggled to keep up. I'm the psychologist in the family, but in this instance, everything I knew about motivation and emotion went out the window as I, like Amanda, began to believe that this math class was just too hard for her. Instead, it was my husband, the real estate developer, who would sit next to Amanda, take out the umpteenth sheet of scrap paper, and help her. They would work through the easiest problems in the homework set, then the next easiest ones, and finally—sometimes after I'd gone to bed—the trickiest and most complex problems at the very end.