The Bible, we are constantly reminded, is the bestselling book of all time. It is read with intense devotion by hundreds of millions of people, stands as authoritative text for Judaism and Christianity, and informs and affects the politics and lives of the religious and nonreligious around the world. But how well do we really know it? The Bible is so familiar, so ubiquitous that we take our knowledge of it for granted. Yet in some cases, the Bible we think we know is a pale imitation of the real thing. This book addresses the dirty little secret of biblical studies—that the Bible is a weird book, by modern standards. A collection of ancient stories, poetry, and more written by multiple authors, held together by the tenuous string of tradition, the Bible often undermines our modern assumptions. It is full of surprises and contradictions, unexplained impossibilities, terrifying supernatural creatures, and heroes doing horrible deeds. In total, it offers neither a systematic theology nor a singular worldview. Still, there is a tendency to reduce the complexities of the Bible to aphorisms, bumper stickers, and slogans. But what exactly does it mean to be “unclean”? Who really killed Goliath? Does Jesus condemn nonbelievers to Hell? What does it mean “to believe,” in the first place? Rather than dismiss the Bible as an outlandish or irrelevant relic of antiquity, this book leans into the messiness full throttle, guiding readers through a Bible that will to many feel brand new.