People regulate each other’s emotion regulation
People often observe others struggling with and attempting to regulate their negative emotions. But, rather than always offering sympathy and help, observers sometimes criticize others for feeling upset, thereby making them suffer even more. Why would observers react to suffering others in this way? Across six studies, we show that observers’ use criticism to spur sufferers to regulate their negative emotions away on their own. Consistent with this goal, observers base their supportive or critical reactions on whether they think the sufferer is capable of controlling their negative emotion (i.e., of regulating it away). Observers rely on a variety of cues to determine whether a person has control over their suffering. First, observers rely on their own sense of how much control they have over their own emotions (Study 1). Second, they judge emotions that are miscalibrated to the situation as being more controllable than emotions that are well-calibrated (Studies 2-4). And third, they incorporate information about the sufferer’s general capacity to exert cognitive control over his or her emotions (Study 4). Judgments about others’ emotion control extend to real-life contexts: They predict self-reports of supportive and critical behaviors towards close others (Study 5) and they predict support for university policies aimed at reducing the prevalence of microaggressions (Study 6). Taken together, our findings suggest that people engage in emotion regulation regulation, in which they expect and enforce others to regulate their own emotions if they can, and track features of the person or situation that enable successful emotion regulation.